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50 favourites
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Consolation prize
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Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17120) - you deserved it (1662)
Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15745) - you deserved it (2331)
On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)
Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (800)
On 11/10/2012 at 7:29pm - misc - by Me - United States
Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22230) - you deserved it (1754)
On 11/10/2012 at 5:15am - love - by Helen - United States (Arkansas)
Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18311) - you deserved it (2768)
On 11/10/2012 at 4:02am - misc - by Shauna (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (5298)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I decided to show my friends the picture I drew, picturing the four of us in a zombie apocalypse setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend and I'm creeping them out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19425) - you deserved it (6586)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by Nana (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)
Today, my dad asked me to clean the trash on our acreage. I was cleaning around the tree line when I came across a particularly heavy bag. I ran inside to ask my dad for help moving it. He looked inside the bag to see what it could be. It was a human body. Someone had thrown it over our fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48621) - you deserved it (1786)
On 10/22/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (945)
On 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22506) - you deserved it (2996)
On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, just for old time's sake, I decided to jump on my bed. I ended up hitting my head on the spinning fan and knocking myself unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7894) - you deserved it (26068)
On 10/13/2012 at 2:45am - health - by lalalalainie - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24973) - you deserved it (1751)
On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16808) - you deserved it (798)
On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you deserved it (5223)
On 10/12/2012 at 7:11am - health - by monkeyzz (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20635) - you deserved it (1699)
On 10/12/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by You're NOT getting lucky today hun (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 17 June 2013
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