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DishHeads's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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DishHeads's favorite FMLs
Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML
by poordog / 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Grounded / 12/29/2009 at 1:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML
by life_suxxx / 12/17/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals
by beckbm23 / 11/21/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2009 at 8:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 5:20am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
by SaMike / 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
by sigh / 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
by NotThatKind / 08/24/2009 at 12:28am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML
by mrteacher / 08/21/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
by Ben / 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm / United States / Intimacy
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by badtimingdude / 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm / Mauritius / Love
Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML
by ParkingGuy / 08/14/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…