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Why am I up so early?
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One ring to rule them all
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Disembob's favorite FMLs
Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML
by Shirley / 02/14/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I woke up with a hangover from last night. Last night, I snuck out and went to a party at a club. To hide my hangover, I cleaned myself up and walked into the kitchen to get a drink. My mother looked at me and said, "What's that on your wrist?" I'd forgotten I'd left the wristband on from the club. I'm already grounded. FML
by Tucker / 02/08/2010 at 2:29pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML
Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML
by Mom / 02/05/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
by ke / 01/29/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Missouri) / Work
Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2010 at 5:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by heartbroken / 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/17/2010 at 8:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML
by Dreadge / 01/15/2010 at 2:37pm / Israel (Hefa) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
by Oops / 01/14/2010 at 10:55am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 9:25pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
by Fredgruff / 01/09/2010 at 8:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
by Dontworryaboutit / 12/28/2009 at 5:16am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML
by LaurenLehmmman / 12/27/2009 at 5:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous