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Why am I up so early?
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Disembob's favorite FMLs
Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML
by oops / 11/30/2011 at 9:15am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by BadFather / 11/21/2011 at 1:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, after years of training myself to crave healthier foods in order to lose weight, I found out that some of my favorite health-foods actually aggravate my hypothyroidism, and indirectly reduce my metabolism. Broccoli and soybeans are making me fat. FML
by healthfoodshmealthfood / 11/17/2011 at 9:34am / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML
by Stalked / 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by embarrassed / 11/11/2011 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by peonypiney / 11/03/2011 at 3:32pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 4:38am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML
by charlie3289 / 10/27/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/22/2011 at 12:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by planking champion / 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
by Cats...FML / 10/17/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 9:48pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by G / 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double… Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do… Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had…