Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Diagon_Blix

Search for a member

Diagon_Blix
  • Town/Country : RedneckHellhole, Mississippi, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 April 1993 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 2395
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Diagon_Blix : FML.

Diagon_Blix's last visitors

legendaryplyaFreezemonkeyCanDoMYJobcammi629RobotataSome_person_hereZebrasofa13illmatic2666Alyssalovelylady543monsterDONG

Diagon_Blix's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Diagon_Blix's favorite FMLs

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML

#3271801
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53149) - you deserved it (6633)

On 06/27/2009 at 10:29am - love - by a_B_c_D_e_F_g (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

#3254274
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40516) - you deserved it (10210)

On 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm - misc - by lifesmells - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML

#3229865
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63033) - you deserved it (37033)

On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

#3205233
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58562) - you deserved it (3453)

On 06/25/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by Emptyspace (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

#3194809
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11751) - you deserved it (61252)

On 06/25/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by nail714 (man) - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

#2938815
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39948) - you deserved it (25196)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65331) - you deserved it (4230)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

#2929763
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12484) - you deserved it (60455)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:35am - love - by Aerostar (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

#2925389
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77552) - you deserved it (5316)

On 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Shaun (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

#2900113
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15706) - you deserved it (47389)

On 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm - misc - by thelarkscaw (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML

#2822887
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81468) - you deserved it (9232)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90676) - you deserved it (19052)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
815 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (279138)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: