Dese

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Dese

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 September 1986 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1618
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Dese's page activity

Visits<b>Envy3</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 2:29am<b>VTzzz</b> - the 04/01/2009 at 2:16am<b>bigbuttsowhat</b> - the 03/27/2009 at 5:28pm

Dese's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Dese's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

by Jaxter / 03/18/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

by marsbar / 03/15/2009 at 1:07am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML

by nutsucker / 03/08/2009 at 3:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

by Dang-ItsDanielle / 03/07/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

by wetbutt / 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

by drakx88 / 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

by Fat Dad / 03/03/2009 at 4:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting this one year old. She just learned how to say yes so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said "yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty... she looked at me and said "NO." FML

by hi / 03/01/2009 at 3:29pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

by EmmaG123 / 02/28/2009 at 12:54am / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

by iailwkrb / 02/26/2009 at 11:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

by iailwkrb / 02/26/2009 at 11:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

by unlucky_vee_13 / 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

by lifesucks4me / 02/23/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids