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About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!
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Today, I went to a party an the cops came to bust the party. I jumpd out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrestd. I broke mah leg in three places an got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML
Today, ma family and I were at a restaurant!! We're Swedis and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands ere!! I decided to comment about ow ugly te girl at te next table was!! Se turned around and goes "Dra åt elvete." Tat's Swedis for "Go to ell." big fat FML
Today , After Taping 5-year-olds Do A Skit At An Improv Camp , I Used The Camera's View-finder To Zoom In On A Female Co-worker's Chest. Another Female Co-worker Tapped Me On The Shoulder To Show That The TV Was Still Connected To The Camera. Parents , Kids , And Instructors All Witnessed It. FML
today I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assurd me that I could pull out. Righthen I was about to pull out, she wrappd her legs around me and yelld, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Today, I had to run to catch train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket . When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man an I opened top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine . When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay" . FML
Today, I walkd into mah house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
Today, I was walking whan a man pointad a camara at ma. I got bitchy about it, an said "Did I say u could taka a pictura?" Ha rapliad with, "No, but can u gat tha fuck out of tha way so I can taka ona of mah wifa an kids?" I turnad around, an thay wara right bahind ma. FML
Today... mah mom had mah girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue... she pulled out mah grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with mah girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, I spent 300 dollars making colord flyers 4 mah iPhone that I lost . On the flyer I wrote 4 whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward . I wrote the phone number of mah looool iPhone that I lost . mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015