Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DerrickJames

Offline (yesterday at 11:21am) | Search for a member

DerrickJames

11Fucked!

DerrickJamesDerrickJames
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2492
  • Number of comments : 190
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!

DerrickJames's page activity

Visits<b>burnthistown</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 11:18pm<b>ayesa</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 2:49pm<b>vegasked</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 2:01pm<b>Adalicious</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 5:03am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 3:48am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:59pm<b>skellingtonfart</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:06am<b>hodgepodge365</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 5:47pm<b>xSalashawty</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:49pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:13pm<b>shufflyn</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 12:34am<b>Crazyjohnb</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 8:14pm<b>FiFiLovee</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 5:41pm<b>merin_94</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 4:36pm<b>lion2294</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:46pm<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 9:28pm<b>FloWPs</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:31am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 5:27am

Fucked!<b>winchestinalock</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 7:34pm<b>sophie_doll</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 4:00pm<b>EKDH</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 1:53pm<b>I_Am_A_Rock</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 11:21am<b>loveekaytlin</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:13am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 6:53pm<b>niccoled</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 3:49am<b>Cadillac_kid_15</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 3:40am<b>HairyPunisher</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 1:13am<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 6:03am<b>TdotMaria</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:36pm

DerrickJames's FML badges

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of DerrickJames's badges

DerrickJames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40843) - you deserved it (135143)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

#850097
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13657) - you deserved it (160911)

On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065
689 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35541) - you deserved it (498421)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20191) - you deserved it (261747)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

#797984
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17836) - you deserved it (179421)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by ashleyevans (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13863) - you deserved it (142576)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16917) - you deserved it (157045)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15611) - you deserved it (186594)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

#674037
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79613) - you deserved it (165629)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17349) - you deserved it (190786)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34385) - you deserved it (125226)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
900 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62587) - you deserved it (647962)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33752) - you deserved it (136448)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: