Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DerrickJames

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

DerrickJames

31Fucked!

DerrickJamesDerrickJames
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2869
  • Number of comments : 197
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!

DerrickJames's page activity

Visits<b>Lacalema</b> - 17 minutes ago<b>moldypickles</b> - 7 hours ago<b>JustMe1600</b> - 18 hours ago<b>maria95aa</b> - 19 hours ago<b>oj101</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 7:35pm<b>mimidamian</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 10:27pm<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 5:57pm<b>Jessica0928</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:58am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 11:58pm<b>tappm98</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 11:30pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 9:50pm<b>paytenmarie</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 9:32pm<b>Ari3l</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 7:32pm<b>stephanieeee95</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 3:25pm<b>ixyasmine</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 3:11pm<b>PaigeLeeAnn11</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 2:14pm<b>nicolemf4</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 12:16pm<b>llama_monicz</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 10:37am

Fucked!<b>JustMe1600</b> - 12 hours ago<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 5:58am<b>mimidamian</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 12:23am<b>ohmissjane</b> - the 07/21/2015 at 2:17pm<b>Zee_Mills</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 2:30pm<b>Lacalema</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 8:08am<b>madinfinite</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 8:27pm<b>mollyxrose</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 12:30am<b>tanziir1</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 3:25am<b>kattykat1</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 10:28pm<b>flyingmind</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 5:53pm<b>royr7395</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 5:34pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 2:21pm<b>winterforever97</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:57pm<b>KodiG</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 10:29am<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 10:25am<b>slyfox420</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 9:20am<b>maria95aa</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 3:26am

DerrickJames's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of DerrickJames's badges

DerrickJames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40957) - you deserved it (135565)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

#850097
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13731) - you deserved it (161607)

On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

#843065
700 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37503) - you deserved it (508323)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20292) - you deserved it (263764)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

#797984
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17902) - you deserved it (180211)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by ashleyevans (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

#797923
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13939) - you deserved it (143090)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17935) - you deserved it (160956)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16220) - you deserved it (189432)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

#674037
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84807) - you deserved it (173962)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:04am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

#637114
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18935) - you deserved it (197710)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34479) - you deserved it (125463)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
912 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62872) - you deserved it (655967)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33813) - you deserved it (136975)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: