About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently and I play Dota 2. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile.
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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
I NEED to know!
You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.
Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24377) - you deserved it (102960)
On 05/07/2009 at 7:36am - animals - by MJ3105 (man) - Israel
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12556) - you deserved it (94837)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75765) - you deserved it (202780)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19842) - you deserved it (197287)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14091) - you deserved it (169632)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11156) - you deserved it (163746)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25829) - you deserved it (228168)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19148) - you deserved it (100841)
On 04/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by katem (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31117) - you deserved it (100271)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64214) - you deserved it (158277)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9466) - you deserved it (132771)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20512) - you deserved it (350162)
On 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm - misc - by blovesg (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12147) - you deserved it (187739)
On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States
Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11439) - you deserved it (144800)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by ashleyevans (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9483) - you deserved it (119249)
On 04/04/2009 at 10:42am - love - by Jamie (man) - United States (Maryland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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