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Derpet

Offline (the 10/26/2014 at 3:49pm) | Search for a member

Derpet

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1923
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Derpet : I am forever alone. Just go, now.

Derpet's page activity

Visits<b>Honey_Suckle18</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 8:48am<b>xadoringx</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 12:06am<b>Scarylizard1798</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:35pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:34am<b>MeAnd</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 6:34am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:06am<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:14am<b>leigh_xx</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 11:17am<b>terryaly</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 2:05am<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 5:43pm<b>aquaticmammal624</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 6:41am<b>derpy_batman</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 11:00pm<b>LuluRichards</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 5:29pm<b>razi1</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:41pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 9:01pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:10pm<b>Andicc</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Comet_Candy</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 10:35pm

Derpet's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Derpet's badges

Derpet's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, I woke up in my hospital bed after having knee surgery, on the wrong knee. FML

#20986378
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66413) - you deserved it (3593)

On 12/09/2013 at 2:17pm - health - by knee pain - United States

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

#20983710
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58560) - you deserved it (18371)

On 12/07/2013 at 9:55am - intimacy - by feiedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39112) - you deserved it (21727)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18654) - you deserved it (49086)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was quite drunk so I decided to take a piss kneeling down, so I wouldn't miss. I dropped the toilet seat on my little soldier. FML

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67017) - you deserved it (5572)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

#20969751
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55145) - you deserved it (5820)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:22am - intimacy - by LadyLola (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59573) - you deserved it (4306)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (17468)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

#20958782
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32768) - you deserved it (2905)

On 11/15/2013 at 3:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML



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