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Derpet

Offline (the 10/13/2014 at 9:07pm) | Search for a member

Derpet

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1693
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Derpet : I am forever alone. Just go, now.

Derpet's page activity

Visits<b>xadoringx</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 5:52am<b>Scarylizard1798</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:35pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:34am<b>MeAnd</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 6:34am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:06am<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:14am<b>leigh_xx</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 11:17am<b>terryaly</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 2:05am<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 5:43pm<b>aquaticmammal624</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 6:41am<b>derpy_batman</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 11:00pm<b>LuluRichards</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 5:29pm<b>razi1</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:41pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 9:01pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 11:10pm<b>Andicc</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 1:32pm<b>Comet_Candy</b> - the 01/20/2014 at 10:35pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/18/2014 at 1:27pm

Derpet's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Derpet's badges

Derpet's favorite FMLs

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

#21256772
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39166) - you deserved it (2560)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:05am - work - by Diachronic (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

#21254463
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38916) - you deserved it (3382)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm - health - by jkim - United States (California)

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

#21250584
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37462) - you deserved it (11413)

On 09/02/2014 at 3:48pm - misc - by A continent away (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52332) - you deserved it (18533)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43734) - you deserved it (15661)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45053) - you deserved it (3422)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

#21047394
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39019) - you deserved it (3991)

On 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm - work - by TwistedCherub1 (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43777) - you deserved it (6733)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

#21037822
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42070) - you deserved it (4608)

On 01/24/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

#21034785
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46284) - you deserved it (5021)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:07am - kids - by sickmom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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