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Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4953) - you totally deserved it (30619)
On 11/18/2009 at 10:09am - misc - by omgitserika - United States (California)
Today I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20206) - you totally deserved it (574)
On 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm - misc - by usmcgirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8186) - you totally deserved it (16629)
On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2621) - you totally deserved it (17438)
On 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by Abby (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14421) - you totally deserved it (8418)
On 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm - health - by Poopyhead (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants by my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11335) - you totally deserved it (8326)
On 11/08/2009 at 12:50pm - misc - by lauren_rox (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
I agree, your life sucks (18672) - you totally deserved it (2230)
On 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had a blind date that my friend set me up for. My date was the ugliest, most disgusting person you will ever meet, but I thought that I would give him a chance. He saw me, eyed me up and down, then said to my friend "You're kidding, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23263) - you totally deserved it (5518)
On 11/04/2009 at 1:51am - love - by BlackCheetah101 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19277) - you totally deserved it (2814)
Today, I woke up very hung over after a big party last night. As I walked into my kitchen to make something to eat, I noticed a weird smell. Turns out my friend had thrown up in my freezer, and then turned off my whole fridge so "it wouldn't freeze and be hard for me to clean up in the morning." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14599) - you totally deserved it (2053)
On 10/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Pimp53X (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10686) - you totally deserved it (1542)
On 10/14/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by newscomes (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29491) - you totally deserved it (4110)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3580) - you totally deserved it (35105)
On 10/10/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by horniness (man) - Hong Kong
Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27945) - you totally deserved it (3083)
On 10/10/2009 at 8:52am - love - by -bird-poop- (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)
Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7428) - you totally deserved it (24977)
On 10/06/2009 at 9:01am - health - by ticked (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
