David199619

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David199619

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2906
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About David199619 : Beep

David199619's page activity

Visits<b>js48</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 7:56am<b>justin1205</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 2:06pm<b>bestpokemon</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 5:46pm

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David199619's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I was so hungry that I literally stole candy from a baby. FML

by bad karma / 11/21/2011 at 9:34am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 1:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I found out my boss and some employees on my floor have bets placed on who can get the best picture of my ass. I found out when one of the pictures was accidentally sent to me. FML

by ikickgingers / 10/19/2011 at 12:49pm / United States / Work

Today, I lent my sister $1000 because she and her husband were in some debt. They used the money to go gambling in Vegas and won a major jackpot. They won't even give me a cut. FML

by cc / 10/10/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Montana) / Money

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 7:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 2:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

by Kendal / 08/23/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

by wow / 08/09/2011 at 12:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

by lostforwords / 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm / Ireland (Tipperary) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

by imnotacat / 07/19/2011 at 9:29pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, my dad told me he has money set aside for when he has to bail me out of jail because "it's bound to happen sooner or later." FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

by Derek Lee / 05/22/2011 at 9:53am / United States (California) / Money

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy