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DarkpawTehWolf's favorite FMLs
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by anon / 09/09/2013 at 5:51pm / Work
Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML
by jessel_ladd92 / 09/09/2013 at 2:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
by jameen / 08/25/2013 at 8:50am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML
by justash12 / 08/25/2013 at 5:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML
by Tyler / 08/25/2013 at 12:30am / United States / Love
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML
by pda / 08/24/2013 at 10:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by -.- / 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm / Isle of Man / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML
by cpmolly / 08/24/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by cassidy_smith12 / 08/24/2013 at 10:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML
by horrible daughter / 08/24/2013 at 6:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by HannahBretts / 08/24/2013 at 1:28am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML
by Holding / 08/24/2013 at 1:21am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous