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Darkblitz24's favorite FMLs
Today, I took a picture of the combination to my new lock so I would always have it on my phone if I ever forgot it. I put my phone in my gym locker, locked it with the new lock, then promptly forgot the combination. FML
by mmoments / 11/17/2015 at 2:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
by anon. / 11/17/2015 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML
by kitkat1740 / 11/16/2015 at 7:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
by ScreweD- / 11/16/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML
by nightwalker2253 / 11/16/2015 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by grapes / 11/15/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by SadIndianLife / 11/15/2015 at 4:00pm / India (Delhi) / Love
Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML
by Koizumiii / 11/15/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML
by Anonymous / 11/15/2015 at 12:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm / Transportation
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML
by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by fucked up dad / 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
- Today, it was the first time my boyfriend had seen me naked. He grabs my breasts and then begins to… Today, I came home about two hours early from a friend's party. After I walked in and upstairs, I… Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed.…