Darkblitz24

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Offline (the 11/18/2015 at 6:21pm)

Darkblitz24

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 4 July 1996 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 459
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Darkblitz24's page activity

Visits<b>Nail7777</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 5:36pm<b>deadpool97</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:42am

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Darkblitz24's favorite FMLs

Today, I took a picture of the combination to my new lock so I would always have it on my phone if I ever forgot it. I put my phone in my gym locker, locked it with the new lock, then promptly forgot the combination. FML

by mmoments / 11/17/2015 at 2:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

by anon. / 11/17/2015 at 1:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

by strawberry / 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

by kitkat1740 / 11/16/2015 at 7:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

by ScreweD- / 11/16/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML

by nightwalker2253 / 11/16/2015 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

by nnniii / 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

by grapes / 11/15/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's mother is more into me than she is. FML

by SadIndianLife / 11/15/2015 at 4:00pm / India (Delhi) / Love

Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML

by Koizumiii / 11/15/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2015 at 12:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm / Transportation

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my 3-year-old daughter watch Finding Nemo on my phone while I made her lunch. I returned to find she had dropped my phone into the fish bowl so that her goldfish could see his friends. FML

by thanks, Nemo. / 07/11/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

by fucked up dad / 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy