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DarkMarkInTheSky's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 01/30/2013 at 5:13am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML
by left4dead / 10/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Nickki / 10/14/2012 at 10:57am / United States / Kids
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML
by PissOffPottermore / 09/13/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 1:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
by anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
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- Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the… Today, I work as a cashier at McDonalds. Some guy came in and ordered a $1.50 coffee and payed with… Today, I went into a public locker room at a pool to change. A camp full of young girls came into…