This member hasn't filled in the description.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42956) - you deserved it (11039)
On 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by RedWaters - United States
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34103) - you deserved it (5964)
On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26536) - you deserved it (2409)
On 02/24/2013 at 2:53am - misc - by cls_x (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (201) - you deserved it (1749)
On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (5370)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45197) - you deserved it (2511)
On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37332) - you deserved it (4144) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24375) - you deserved it (2016)
On 01/25/2013 at 1:30am - health - by asthmattack (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at my 6-year-old son's birthday party, I had to explain to my boyfriend that it's not okay to use condoms as party balloons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (5233)
On 01/25/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (3970)
On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was upset because my brother, who I'm very close to, didn't call me for my birthday yesterday. I told my mom about it, and we both immediately went silent on the phone, as we both realized she forgot to call me yesterday as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34300) - you deserved it (2279)
On 01/23/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by birthday_loser (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31945) - you deserved it (2795)
On 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm - intimacy - by sarah6786 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17010) - you deserved it (29650)
On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22028) - you deserved it (3252)
On 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34274) - you deserved it (5410)
On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
