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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/01/2009 at 1:56am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
by P0wned / 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm / France (Bretagne) / Love
Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML
by Dumbfuck / 09/25/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I told my mom about the couple times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML
by 1357katie / 09/19/2009 at 12:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work and my mother texted me. The text read, "You take a nice picture." To which I responded, "what picture?" I then got a reply saying, "The one on your speeding ticket showing you going 73 in a 55 mph zone. You are even smiling." FML
by asdfas / 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
by HHIChica / 09/17/2009 at 7:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2009 at 5:27am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 2:58pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 5:58am / New Zealand (Otago) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 12:27am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by JuicyJohn / 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…