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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
by Poopyhead / 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health
Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML
by shando / 11/07/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by Roida / 10/26/2009 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
by Ohgreat / 10/17/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML
by Achoo / 10/15/2009 at 3:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
by Painful / 10/05/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by slcbabii23 / 10/01/2009 at 3:56am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need… Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled… Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It…