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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by mindlost / 01/06/2010 at 9:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML
by ohdear / 01/03/2010 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML
by Laughluv / 01/02/2010 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
by Lovergirl / 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2009 at 3:06am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by chris / 12/23/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML
by Jrlloyd013 / 12/19/2009 at 5:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/18/2009 at 3:27pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML
by nwalsh2009 / 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
by ollierocks96 / 12/17/2009 at 4:43pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by ohmy / 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada / Animals
by AnRom / 12/17/2009 at 4:58am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML
by sarabalism / 12/17/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…