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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
by sleeper / 03/02/2010 at 12:05am / Transportation
Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML
by princess4242 / 02/26/2010 at 4:10am / India (Delhi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making schnitzel at our kitchen so I had to get rid of all the oil. So I decided it would be best to put the hot pan on our porch so the oil would cool down and then I could get rid of it. Unfortunately the ground is sealed with tar, so the tar melted and now the pan is stuck to the ground. FML
by peterpan / 02/23/2010 at 7:54am / Germany (Hessen) / Health
Today, I was working at Publix ringing up some 70 year old woman. She says "Man, you're a fast cashier, I like my men fast!" and then gives me a wink. I got really nervous and didn't know how to respond, so not thinking, I quickly said, "Yeah, me too." FML
by Patrick / 02/22/2010 at 8:29pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML
by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
by anna14 / 02/21/2010 at 2:34pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by AwwChute / 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML
by moobysrocks / 02/20/2010 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Hayleey_079 / 02/18/2010 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health
Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML
by Timv86 / 02/16/2010 at 3:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Nick / 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Vastu / 02/07/2010 at 12:42pm / Nepal / Money
Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Transportation
by stoopidpoop / 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…