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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
by hitmutefirst / 02/03/2009 at 5:24am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by nicknack22 / 02/01/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by GavinHosler / 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by crazyvulva9216 / 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
by Boredom / 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
by killmyself / 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Petridishoflove / 01/20/2009 at 1:12am / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
by Gob / 01/16/2009 at 9:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML
by diddlysquat / 01/14/2009 at 3:49am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Intimacy
by Gale / 01/13/2009 at 10:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML
by Noname / 01/01/2009 at 10:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden I hear a familiar voice: "At least someone is having fun!" It was my boss. FML
by james / 12/14/2008 at 8:14am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy