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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14299) - you deserved it (74833)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14213) - you deserved it (39543)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13994) - you deserved it (38916)
On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6880) - you deserved it (49772)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:35am - love - by notsosexygirl (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37229) - you deserved it (5486)
On 02/17/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by ouchmynose (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178157) - you deserved it (61487)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7294) - you deserved it (49873)
On 02/16/2009 at 7:24pm - misc - by lunarboy (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31542) - you deserved it (5547)
On 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm - love - by EK (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35661) - you deserved it (5416)
On 02/13/2009 at 7:42am - animals - by abi_vet_student (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17232) - you deserved it (39985)
On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, my crush talked to me for the first time. He told me to stop staring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26824) - you deserved it (9267)
On 02/09/2009 at 7:37pm - misc - by hatethatiloveyou (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I played games on Barbie.com and gave up after 10 minutes. They were hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7452) - you deserved it (28254)
On 02/07/2009 at 10:19pm - misc - by lilzoot (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (527647) - you deserved it (37914)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24778) - you deserved it (2138)
On 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by Fag_Hag (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29805) - you deserved it (49027)
On 02/05/2009 at 9:09am - intimacy - by ruffrider (woman) - United States (South Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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