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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML
by usafprog / 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML
by mobster / 07/26/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
by treegirl / 07/26/2009 at 1:57am / United States / Love
by Ella / 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML
by harrysolo / 07/18/2009 at 9:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2009 at 1:11am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by joe1234 / 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
by MadMax / 07/16/2009 at 10:59am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by megxox / 07/16/2009 at 3:26am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2009 at 12:20am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML
by crazyt446 / 07/11/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by jadakorn / 07/11/2009 at 9:48am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML
by Seabiscuit / 07/06/2009 at 12:03am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…