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Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Dale_xD's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barge in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
by killmenow / 02/20/2011 at 8:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
by Michelle / 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML
by bouncekitty / 02/20/2011 at 12:04pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:18pm / United States / Animals
Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
by justmyluck? / 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm / Miscellaneous
by fmylife117 / 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
by Whatever479 / 02/17/2011 at 12:29pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
by Aled / 02/17/2011 at 11:33am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Love
by bride / 02/14/2011 at 1:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to… Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply… Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize…
- Today, I’m an au pair. The little boy that I take care of announced during a family dinner that I… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…