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Dadothy's favorite FMLs
Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML
by jillie minaj / 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML
by seagull hater / 07/09/2012 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Animals
by randomguy / 07/09/2012 at 11:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by EdgardoP / 06/26/2012 at 11:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
by cmck932012 / 06/26/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML
by :( / 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
by Boar / 06/24/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML
by hannaslifesucks / 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/24/2012 at 10:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 10:59am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
by notanidiot / 06/20/2012 at 8:46am / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Shelby / 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML
by Joseph N / 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm / United States / Kids
- Today, is a month into my new job. Three employees have already been fired, my boss has interviewed… Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the… Today, while brushing my teeth I felt something snap and spat out a huge tooth fragment. Only after…