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50 favourites
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Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8065) - you deserved it (48660)
On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24819) - you deserved it (478)
On 01/27/2013 at 1:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27080) - you deserved it (2604)
On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13906) - you deserved it (5872)
On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11362) - you deserved it (24380)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was planning on enjoying my one day off work from the hospital, at home. I got a call saying I had to come in because my department was short-handed. I went in to find almost everyone there. Turns out it was a prank by my coworkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17354) - you deserved it (1109)
Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16943) - you deserved it (1564)
On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15555) - you deserved it (3032)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17627) - you deserved it (1404)
On 09/21/2012 at 2:49pm - money - by The Drew - United States
Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14161) - you deserved it (2307)
On 08/17/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by elijah (man) - United States
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5233) - you deserved it (27731)
On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12453) - you deserved it (5262)
On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States
Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18461) - you deserved it (11921)
On 07/23/2012 at 3:35am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13558) - you deserved it (3154)
On 07/14/2012 at 10:43am - health - by Anonymous - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28978) - you deserved it (2671)
On 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm - misc - by failure - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 20 May 2013
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