About Cute : "Cheating? You can't cheat, it's a jigsaw puzzle!"
Hello, I'm just a female on here. Nothing out of the average.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53613) - you deserved it (3907)
On 05/07/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by the girl next door (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56132) - you deserved it (11295)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47191) - you deserved it (5891)
On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43530) - you deserved it (4432)
On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48663) - you deserved it (6868)
On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41820) - you deserved it (12303)
On 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm - intimacy - by Ribbed for Her Disaster (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you deserved it (3108)
On 04/02/2013 at 3:24am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37872) - you deserved it (2657)
On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32933) - you deserved it (1505)
On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12083) - you deserved it (28704)
On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (11668)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32047) - you deserved it (3863)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (63758) - you deserved it (5861)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49556) - you deserved it (3334)
On 03/27/2013 at 3:55pm - love - by soontobesingle (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56397) - you deserved it (6632)
On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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