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Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55660) - you deserved it (11978)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend decided to wake me up from a nap by kissing me. I started kissing her back passionately, when she slapped me. Apparently, kissing her back automatically without "confirming her identity" counts as cheating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51174) - you deserved it (3166)
On 05/26/2013 at 8:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57637) - you deserved it (4845)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47181) - you deserved it (5891)
On 05/03/2013 at 8:13am - intimacy - by Who1s269 (man) - United States
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43529) - you deserved it (4432)
On 05/03/2013 at 7:32am - health - by poopydaddy - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45478) - you deserved it (18560)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43824) - you deserved it (2712)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - work - by anonymous (man) - Germany
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43691) - you deserved it (5014)
On 04/23/2013 at 7:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (95592)
Today, after a few weeks of my friends pestering me to spend time with a mutual friend, I realized we had a lot in common. We both love shoes, peanut butter, and it appears that my boyfriend of three years is her boyfriend of four years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60712) - you deserved it (3921)
On 04/22/2013 at 2:58am - love - by Stupid (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (5254)
On 04/22/2013 at 1:06am - love - by And you think I'M crazy? (woman) - United States
Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37196) - you deserved it (6088)
On 04/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by 'creep' - United States (Colorado)
Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (12278)
On 04/21/2013 at 10:56pm - misc - by Magicali (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21254) - you deserved it (43817)
On 04/15/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Cupcakes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mom broke the news that my dad secretly got married two months ago, to a woman he has been dating for 15 years, and that my parents have actually been divorced for 12 years. They just lied about it this whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55143) - you deserved it (3081)
On 04/12/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by too young for this (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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