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Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40407) - you deserved it (6520)
On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33689) - you deserved it (18593)
On 05/03/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Sally256 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10404) - you deserved it (42482)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61244) - you deserved it (3499)
On 05/01/2009 at 7:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13478) - you deserved it (45328)
On 04/29/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Cammy (man) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)
Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34413) - you deserved it (25188)
On 04/19/2009 at 5:44pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25865) - you deserved it (228625)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73372) - you deserved it (6235)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by Puppysit88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44422) - you deserved it (20084)
On 04/15/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by notpreggers - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw my brother on the other side of the road. He lives overseas and always told me he would visit when I least expected it. When I saw him, I got so excited I jumped on his back, screaming his name. It wasn't my brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17362) - you deserved it (44478)
On 04/14/2009 at 3:12pm - misc - by getslostinherownhouse (woman) - Spain (Madrid)
Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML
I agree, your life sucks (75750) - you deserved it (6599)
On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82938) - you deserved it (3246)
On 04/12/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by spiderhater (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (129361) - you deserved it (5329)
On 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by hedgehog5 - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59209) - you deserved it (3194)
On 03/31/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137450) - you deserved it (8751)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Monday 20 May 2013
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