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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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CrimsonImpact

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CrimsonImpact
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1074
  • Number of comments : 51
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CrimsonImpact's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (38446) - you deserved it (5694)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298 (223)

I agree, your life sucks (48445) - you deserved it (2069)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

#7059042 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (11977)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:04pm - love - by pottypattypeepants (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML

#6713073 (70)

I agree, your life sucks (6769) - you deserved it (17926)

On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML

#6480683 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (6007) - you deserved it (30979)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (2191)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML

#6186259 (55)

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (3843)

On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

#6042161 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (6223) - you deserved it (57877)

On 10/28/2009 at 5:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML

#6008433 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (25860) - you deserved it (2598)

On 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by notsohot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

#5876568 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (6408) - you deserved it (33287)

On 10/18/2009 at 9:39am - work - by nick (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

#5695966 (308)

I agree, your life sucks (11537) - you deserved it (24254)

On 10/07/2009 at 12:39am - love - by NotAParabola (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

#5407615 (187)

I agree, your life sucks (29427) - you deserved it (11008)

On 09/22/2009 at 12:27am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

#5293926 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (31101) - you deserved it (3188)

On 09/16/2009 at 3:58pm - misc - by jaskyriddims (man) - Dominica (Saint George)

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

#5224172 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (50126) - you deserved it (2484)

On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I slept in late and when I woke up, thought I was the only one in the house so I decided to walk around the corner to the only upstairs bathroom naked. My dad also slept in, also thought he was the only one in the house, and also decided to walk to the bathroom naked. We collided. FML

#4596913 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (50103) - you deserved it (9423)

On 08/17/2009 at 9:50am - misc - by malebonding (man) - United States (Virginia)