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Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19137) - you deserved it (1889)
On 03/05/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by apparently-a-shed (woman) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32170) - you deserved it (6775)
On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML
I agree, your life sucks (15825) - you deserved it (31118)
On 03/04/2013 at 12:01am - love - by DEATHBYEX1LE - Australia
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31045) - you deserved it (4468)
On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38118) - you deserved it (4755)
On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29507) - you deserved it (1651)
On 03/03/2013 at 4:29am - misc - by wannadi (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32636) - you deserved it (1890)
On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27740) - you deserved it (2272)
On 03/02/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Doors Hate Me - United States
Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (1750)
On 03/01/2013 at 10:17pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50110) - you deserved it (4406)
On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)
Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8460) - you deserved it (25731)
On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21710) - you deserved it (2760)
On 03/01/2013 at 12:21am - love - by thenewgirl29 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (9169)
On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22363) - you deserved it (2516)
On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32099) - you deserved it (3183)
On 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Frostbitten (woman) - United States (Maine)
Monday 20 May 2013
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