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Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27678) - you deserved it (6387)
On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29140) - you deserved it (1636)
On 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm - misc - by grandson of a p.o.s. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24946) - you deserved it (8177)
On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)
Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39592) - you deserved it (8839)
On 03/14/2013 at 11:43am - intimacy - by wow (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend, whom I haven't heard from in a whole month, turned up at my door because it was apparently "steak and blowjob day." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35005) - you deserved it (5209)
On 03/14/2013 at 5:02am - intimacy - by howaboutno (woman) - United States
Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22868) - you deserved it (15102)
On 03/14/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by WildaRora (woman) - Australia
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35132) - you deserved it (11256)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28283) - you deserved it (3135)
On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42180) - you deserved it (4163)
On 03/12/2013 at 9:22am - intimacy - by kenleybunch - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20350) - you deserved it (6208)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15833) - you deserved it (40199)
On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38487) - you deserved it (16822)
On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35587) - you deserved it (3338)
On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States
Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (32896)
On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45575) - you deserved it (5618)
On 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by themouseman1212 - United States
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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