About Complaining : I have no life.
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Complaining's favorite FMLs
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm / United States / Work
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML
by Matt / 06/03/2012 at 10:21am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML
by OutOfTheCloset / 06/02/2012 at 2:50am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML
by MySummerinEurope / 05/25/2012 at 6:59pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Intimacy
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
by sick and awkward / 05/20/2012 at 2:11am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by ohyesIfeelspecial / 05/18/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML
by recmonty / 05/16/2012 at 11:53pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
by ...... / 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML
by inapickle / 05/16/2012 at 4:20am / United States (Maine) / Kids
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
by rongo12 / 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Miscellaneous
by Brown345 / 05/11/2012 at 1:03am / United States / Work
- Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my… Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he… Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to…
- Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, I travelled in a shared taxi on the winding roads of the Peruvian Andes. The guy next to me… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual…