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Commandertoast's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
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Commandertoast's favorite FMLs
Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML
by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I went to hand in a job application, and the supervisor wanted to ask me a few questions. I was nervous so I kept touching the fabric on a nearby display table. Only after I left did my friend tell me it was a pantie display, and that I was fondling underwear. FML
by colebear / 05/27/2011 at 4:45am / United States / Work
by Derp-A-Herp / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
by Alice / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML
by StatusSearch / 05/26/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by taydean / 05/26/2011 at 5:31pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
by KittenTime / 05/26/2011 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
by fatteningmeup / 05/26/2011 at 10:24am / United States / Health
by Emoney1 / 05/26/2011 at 10:06am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by smarterthanmymum / 05/26/2011 at 5:48am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom asked if I was seeing anyone. I launched into a description of my girlfriend, only for her to interrupt, saying that she meant a therapist, and the fact that I'd just made up a relationship was further proof that I needed one. I really do have a girlfriend. FML
by lovingpsychosis / 05/26/2011 at 3:53am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love
Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML
by Fred / 05/26/2011 at 2:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I was texting at work when my manager walked in. I quickly dropped my phone in the garbage to avoid trouble. Since I was working so hard, she decided to do me a favor and throw the trash out for me. FML
by explosiveBAM / 05/26/2011 at 1:04am / United States / Work
- Today,after 14 months overseas with special forces,I found out the reason that my superior officer… Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that when my dog curled up next to me on my bed, I got a boner.… Today, I looked in the bank and $40 was used at a mildly expensive restaurant my husband, who lives…