CommanderCman1

Search for a member

Offline (the 10/23/2015 at 5:03am)

CommanderCman1

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2168
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

CommanderCman1's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:40am<b>Effulgence</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 8:54am<b>wellfme</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 4:46pm<b>justinccp</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 5:31pm<b>Lorenzzon</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 7:02pm<b>Mc_chipler</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 7:06pm<b>AliceLiddel</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 3:21pm<b>lafcadi0</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 2:30am<b>kendoge</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 2:18am<b>Brandi_Faith</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 12:44am<b>GRubi</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 12:21am<b>TehAnderz</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 10:16pm<b>j_cat187</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 9:45pm<b>tangerine06</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 4:18pm<b>itsalanis</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 3:17pm<b>SgrA</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 3:15pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 3:02pm<b>MidnaLink</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 2:17pm

CommanderCman1's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of CommanderCman1's badges

CommanderCman1's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind: "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

by Badatlife / 06/23/2014 at 12:19pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

by paywithpoop / 06/22/2014 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

by god / 04/29/2014 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Miscellaneous

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

by Shit / 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML

by Shit / 04/27/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

by molliciousj / 02/19/2014 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML

by chinaski7628 / 02/15/2014 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love