I'm simply tired of all the idiots here.
Today, a car floated slowly into my lane from the left with no signal. She gazed at the right turn like it was going to kiss her. "What the FUCK, lady?" I shouted, slamming on my brakes. Two seconds later I hear a tiny voice in my back seat, "What fut, YADY?!" My 22 month old son's first full sentence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12656) - you totally deserved it (39574)
On 06/22/2009 at 1:30am - kids - by ObeyTheFist (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you totally deserved it (9838)
On 06/20/2009 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by anonyme (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48905) - you totally deserved it (2041)
On 06/20/2009 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by desocrates (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11578) - you totally deserved it (37072)
On 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37786) - you totally deserved it (3505)
On 06/19/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by thissucks (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28195) - you totally deserved it (2829)
On 06/19/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37393) - you totally deserved it (7623)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29986) - you totally deserved it (3278)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)
Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36240) - you totally deserved it (10088)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by oops... (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5287) - you totally deserved it (53445)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch. I was taking pictures with it when I noticed a woman with very nice boobs. I zoomed in to get a better picture when she looked at me with a disgusted face. The external display was on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3175) - you totally deserved it (53668)
On 06/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by heythurr234 (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read "you can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
I agree, your life sucks (65062) - you totally deserved it (2631)
On 06/18/2009 at 11:08am - intimacy - by larvagirl23 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13465) - you totally deserved it (26711)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Jessey (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37575) - you totally deserved it (1685)
On 06/18/2009 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
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On 06/18/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States
