About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about super heroes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML
by Eggs6131 / 10/15/2013 at 9:09am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
by hes / 10/15/2013 at 6:10am / United States / Intimacy
by zzfreakshow / 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Animals
by soccer_bball / 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by STOPTHENOISE / 10/14/2013 at 9:10am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by mustabeendrugs / 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML
by and she blames me -_- / 10/13/2013 at 5:50pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML
by HSampsON / 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Niger (Niamey) / Miscellaneous
Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
by IDon't / 10/13/2013 at 6:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML
by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…