About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML
by winstonweigand / 08/14/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML
by oops / 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by cahsecuel / 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML
by UnSupported / 08/14/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 12:38am / France / Animals
Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids
Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:19am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by rabidfairy / 08/12/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML
by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 1:55pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love
- Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It… Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it… Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing…