About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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100 kick ass comments
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2014 at 1:51pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML
by oops / 08/22/2014 at 10:35am / Australia (Western Australia) / Health
by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
by lolatmylife / 08/22/2014 at 2:02am / United States / Love
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
by up to no-good... / 08/22/2014 at 12:09am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by flyakite / 08/21/2014 at 11:53pm / United States / Love
Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML
by jalisc512 / 08/21/2014 at 4:16pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
by stepshart / 08/21/2014 at 3:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 6:14pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML
by HungryStudent / 08/20/2014 at 2:59pm / Puerto Rico / Money
by Kev / 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls… Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on… Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know…