About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
by mayoshampoo / 09/01/2014 at 12:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by the3goatlady / 09/01/2014 at 12:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/01/2014 at 10:08am / United States / Transportation
Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML
by emilyparker / 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by dining / 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
by Happy Employee / 08/31/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML
by TheFatOne / 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm / United States / Kids
by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money
Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML
by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 12:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by That idiot / 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by dr.mantistobagon / 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I went to a grad school fair. Tuition costs more than I make in a year. I'm thirty. I think…