About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 5:27pm / United States / Love
Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML
by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by notautistic / 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by hylianprincess / 09/25/2014 at 7:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML
by skollasch / 09/25/2014 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML
by I need a new ballsack. / 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Health
Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Connecticut) / Money
by cazzb / 09/16/2014 at 12:17am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by berryjones11024 / 09/14/2014 at 10:35am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by NoConfusion / 09/14/2014 at 8:53am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML
by Anonymous / 09/13/2014 at 10:39am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Jamestown of Vagina / 09/13/2014 at 10:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by no / 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML
by notmarryingyou / 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm / United States (Washington) / Work