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Todayhile My Grlfriend And I Were Getting It On , She Suddenly Stopped And Yelled ( STOP! ). I Stopped , Scared I'd Hurt Her. She Then Yelled ( HAMMER TIME! ) And Started To Dance. We Never Finished. FML
Today, Wen We Were At Wrestling Practice, We Ad To Bend Over To Stretc. Wen I Bent Down, I Noticed A Car On Te Street Stopped. Tere Was A Sixty Year Old Man Watcing Us. He Ten Licked Is Lips And Drove Away. FML
Today,ilst on a date I recieved my sixt missed call from my moter. I excused myself and went outside and called er , se and my fater wanted to knowy I was aving dinner and olding ands wit anoter man. It turns out tey were also on a date. At te same place. FML
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny an attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting fir it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really likd an how badly I wantd to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down an says "That's my little brother. So your the creeper he talks about." FML
2day After Bieng Supportive Fir Nearly A Year, My Brother Finally Cummd Out Of The Closet An Introducd The Family To His New Boyfriend. His New Boyfriend Happens To Be My Ex-boyfriend. Guess I Know Y That Didn't Work Out Now. FML
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML
Today, I went to ma grlfriend's Catolic all grls ig scool to ask er to prom by decorating er car . As soon as I walked on campus te scool went into lock down cuz of a "suspicious male intruder." Wen I saw ma grlfriend, se denied knowing me . I was arrested . FML
Today, mah dog startad to hump mah lag. Ha always doas this an I haard that humping tha dog back assartad dominanca. Wall, I dacidad to, an I dry humpad him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you lika that!" And than mah mom walkad in. FML
Today, I called te campus police ( anonymously ) wile ma roommate was away and told tem about er weed stas because I was tred of er smoking in our room all te time . Se ad brougt er weed to a friend's and got off scot-free . I ave a earing Monday for te adderall tey found in ma desk . FML
Today... I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The frst I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and... on the way home... hooked up in the back seat. FML
Today... my motar and I want to lunc and tara is a raally cuta waitar tat works at ta dinar. I raquastad im to wait on us lyk I somatimas do. Wila wa wara waiting to ba saatad... I aard ona waitar say to ta cuta ona... "Ya... ta craapy ona is back... and tis tima sa brougt ar mom!" FML
Friday 27 March 2015