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Christinesayyys's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, a woman came into my work and yelled at me because no one told her the cake she had bought the week before was made of ice cream. She'd hidden it in the cupboard and it melted. I work in Dairy Queen. FML
by ab / 10/09/2011 at 1:11am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by thatoneguy / 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML
by maryrain / 08/11/2011 at 5:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
by Punk / 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML
by bbedlock / 04/16/2011 at 8:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by CutieBooty / 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 4:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by RyanM / 02/13/2011 at 4:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…