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Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14745) - you totally deserved it (25298)
On 08/07/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Jstar - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years attempted to explain to me how the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a BS in Biology and a MS in Anthropology and I am working on my Phd and she thinks I am being an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32518) - you totally deserved it (6085)
On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37813) - you totally deserved it (5487)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you totally deserved it (87358)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18628) - you totally deserved it (32956)
On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was ringing up a lady and her daughter at the shoe store I work at. The background on my nametag is a rainbow, and when the daughter saw it, she asked her mother why it was so. Her mother looks at my nametag, then me, then turns to her daughter and says "Because he hates God honey". FML
I agree, your life sucks (49116) - you totally deserved it (2362)
On 04/05/2009 at 11:14pm - work - by maconda99 (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to explain why we got the parts we did. He said he tried matching our characters to who we actually are. I play a whore who's a transvestite. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48914) - you totally deserved it (3435)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:11pm - misc - by InsideActress (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my husband came home from work angry. He started yelling about how much he hates the neighbor's kids and that he never wants to have children. I was going to tell him I'm pregnant tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79429) - you totally deserved it (2334)
On 03/29/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
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