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Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you totally deserved it (5480)
On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29547) - you totally deserved it (13023)
On 05/23/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Tom_why - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)
Today, I was at the mall blasting music, I was wearing a nice shirt and had my ipod in my breast pocket when I noticed a cute girl smiling at me so I smiled back and she started to walk over while turning down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11864) - you totally deserved it (34899)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50418) - you totally deserved it (1557)
On 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm - love - by KarlwithaK (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern, where I live totally alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. Hmmm...I think, noticing that there's writing on it. I pick it up and what does it say? "You look hot when you sleep" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52532) - you totally deserved it (1343)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went bowling. The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself and had a few of his own bowling balls, and he had one that looked like a yin-yang and it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins. Not really thinking, I casually said to him "Hey, I like your balls." FML
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On 05/18/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by nothing (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36164) - you totally deserved it (6717)
On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML
I agree, your life sucks (82784) - you totally deserved it (2965)
On 05/17/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by mynickhuh (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40099) - you totally deserved it (13785)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88732) - you totally deserved it (19194)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38992) - you totally deserved it (4945)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
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On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML
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On 05/14/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by overlandparkmommie (woman) - United States
Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42503) - you totally deserved it (9781)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
