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CarlBeckle

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CarlBeckle

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CarlBeckle's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

#19030539
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20603) - you deserved it (9294)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11002) - you deserved it (87398)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34471) - you deserved it (24595)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34471) - you deserved it (24595)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29470) - you deserved it (8241)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31790) - you deserved it (4277)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

#17194109
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48071) - you deserved it (7810)

On 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm - love - by Username - United States

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37112) - you deserved it (31466)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35123) - you deserved it (8705)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

#14211006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28420) - you deserved it (7865)

On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

#14209243
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40312) - you deserved it (9553)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

#14187537
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98854) - you deserved it (5407)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while browsing YouTube, I looked at the section "Recommended for You." I saw a video titled "How to get a girlfriend." Even YouTube thinks I can't get one. FML

#14156953
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26820) - you deserved it (4858)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

#14109722
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27149) - you deserved it (8156)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML

#14109722
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27149) - you deserved it (8156)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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