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CardMaster1992

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CardMaster1992

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 May 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 704
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CardMaster1992 : Violin. Violin. Violin :)

CardMaster1992's page activity

Visits<b>koolkid7777</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 2:22pm<b>VeraJK</b> - the 10/18/2011 at 4:15pm<b>fthku</b> - the 05/30/2011 at 8:53am<b>drewsufff</b> - the 05/29/2011 at 8:37am<b>tsim</b> - the 04/13/2011 at 11:41pm<b>0___0</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 11:33pm

CardMaster1992's FML badges

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CardMaster1992's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

#17627685
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14540) - you deserved it (50922)

On 08/31/2011 at 3:36am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

#17609148
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9369) - you deserved it (41193)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by helpless_soul - United States

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

#17557717
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (6479)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by lonely (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

#17557717
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26852) - you deserved it (6479)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by lonely (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

#17557500
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18331) - you deserved it (50141)

On 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm - intimacy - by MissCan'tKeepAJob - United States (Texas)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30197) - you deserved it (8729)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

#17438897
295 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43282) - you deserved it (4563)

On 08/11/2011 at 8:56am - intimacy - by bob - United States (Texas)

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

#17315983
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39371) - you deserved it (13197)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36382) - you deserved it (9487)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

#17147393
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38159) - you deserved it (2702)

On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31977) - you deserved it (7256)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

#17143306
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34105) - you deserved it (8169)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by it_IS_just_me (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

#17131745
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32529) - you deserved it (3232)

On 07/16/2011 at 2:23am - money - by Tanner - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

#17131113
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33870) - you deserved it (5347)

On 07/16/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada



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