CardMaster1992

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CardMaster1992

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 May 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1282
  • Number of comments : 52
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CardMaster1992 : Violin. Violin. Violin :)

CardMaster1992's page activity

Visits<b>phantomex</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 2:13am<b>bobjope</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 6:24pm<b>reklawelyk</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 11:17am<b>koolkid7777</b> - the 10/24/2013 at 2:22pm<b>VeraJK</b> - the 10/18/2011 at 4:15pm<b>fthku</b> - the 05/30/2011 at 8:53am<b>drewsufff</b> - the 05/29/2011 at 8:37am<b>tsim</b> - the 04/13/2011 at 11:41pm<b>0___0</b> - the 03/31/2011 at 11:33pm

CardMaster1992's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CardMaster1992's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

by Username / 08/31/2011 at 3:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

by helpless_soul / 08/29/2011 at 12:27am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

by lonely / 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, my cats found my box of condoms. This is the third one they've chewed up. The worst part? They've gotten more use out of them in the last two months than I have. FML

by lonely / 08/23/2011 at 12:49pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I work by myself at a retail store and I was bored so I called my boyfriend. I woke him up and he was feeling frisky, and as things were getting heated I started to moan and say dirty things. Until the entire rack of clothes fell over and revealed my boss hiding. He had a boner. FML

by MissCan'tKeepAJob / 08/23/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, no matter how much I begged, my friend who'd locked himself away with my iPhone wouldn't stop taking pics of his penis and forwarding them to my boss. FML

by bob / 08/11/2011 at 8:56am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

by maryrain / 08/11/2011 at 5:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

by creepedout / 07/31/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 3:24am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

by bigjohn106 / 07/17/2011 at 8:34am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

by douglas / 07/17/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

by it_IS_just_me / 07/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

by Tanner / 07/16/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Tennessee) / Money

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 1:38am / Canada / Love