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CaptainJR

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CaptainJR

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 247
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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CaptainJR's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

CaptainJR's favorite FMLs

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33465) - you deserved it (4198)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47279) - you deserved it (4377)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11217) - you deserved it (58649)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

#19608696
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35809) - you deserved it (6133)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

#19579896
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29928) - you deserved it (2516)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:09am - health - by catherineratley - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

#19577163
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30909) - you deserved it (3949)

On 05/05/2012 at 12:28pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

#19573313
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23686) - you deserved it (4316)

On 05/04/2012 at 3:14pm - love - by john (man) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

#19568801
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (9970)

On 05/03/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by dentistrygirl - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML

#19568325
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (2608)

On 05/03/2012 at 1:00pm - love - by Turnipseed3 - United States

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

#19563136
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31520) - you deserved it (6145)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:46am - intimacy - by winnerwinner (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

#19270252
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30103) - you deserved it (7443)

On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML

#19243836
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40029) - you deserved it (6861)

On 03/09/2012 at 1:59am - intimacy - by banned - United States (California)

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8427) - you deserved it (52763) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

#19152486
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26321) - you deserved it (5205)

On 02/24/2012 at 7:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

#18996100
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6710) - you deserved it (36791)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm - money - by twiggy24 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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