About Capt_Obvious : Gamer, Grammar NAZI, Sarcastic . . . That's about all you need to know.
Capt_Obvious's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Capt_Obvious's favorite FMLs
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
by ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz / 04/04/2014 at 7:20pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love
Today, my grandmother is coming over to my family's house to stay for about a week or so. Apparently, the guest room window isn't big enough for her dream catcher, so she wants her cat to sleep in the guest room and she wants to sleep in my room. My parents support this. FML
by themonesterman / 04/02/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
by I Have Failed / 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm / Spain (Madrid) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML
by Anonymous / 04/01/2014 at 2:06am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by off to the whorehouse, then / 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
by athletiks / 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML
by Punphmelch / 03/26/2014 at 4:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god / 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm / United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/23/2014 at 12:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by BMTH2296 / 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm / United States / Geek
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…