Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Capt_Obvious

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

Capt_Obvious

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5433
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Capt_Obvious : Gamer, Grammar NAZI, Sarcastic . . . That's about all you need to know.

Capt_Obvious's page activity

Visits<b>Michaelmore</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 5:20am<b>pikawarriors</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 11:53pm<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:21pm<b>katyliz91</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 9:45pm<b>Ghosty546</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 2:50am<b>mominzed</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 1:22am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 8:08am<b>Anata</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 5:06am<b>boobear19883</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 1:14am<b>Zenic032797</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 8:25pm<b>kidinkbaby</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 4:01am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 1:50am<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 12:27am<b>violetsweety</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:24pm<b>tcmxo</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:06pm<b>RainbowxxVeinsx</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:03pm<b>Martyna0611</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 10:27pm<b>depressed_child</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:50pm

Capt_Obvious's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Capt_Obvious's badges

Capt_Obvious's favorite FMLs

Today, my grandmother is coming over to my family's house to stay for about a week or so. Apparently, the guest room window isn't big enough for her dream catcher, so she wants her cat to sleep in the guest room and she wants to sleep in my room. My parents support this. FML

#21103236
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40832) - you deserved it (3490)

On 04/02/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by themonesterman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47899) - you deserved it (5922)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53626) - you deserved it (6833)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41445) - you deserved it (6806)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37059) - you deserved it (4732)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42766) - you deserved it (6408)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (35799)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

#21096727
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37571) - you deserved it (5046)

On 03/26/2014 at 4:45am - animals - by Punphmelch (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30256) - you deserved it (16191)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

#21094457
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40501) - you deserved it (4110)

On 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41271) - you deserved it (4660)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34503) - you deserved it (11936)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

#21092916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40599) - you deserved it (7511)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm - misc - by BMTH2296 (man) - United States

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46173) - you deserved it (6773)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML

#21077048
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62713) - you deserved it (8511)

On 03/03/2014 at 5:35pm - intimacy - by fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU (man) - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: